At Full Chat

Luckily, rather than being mad, Clarkson said he would like to do such a show. What's more, his right-hand man, best friend and producer, Andy Wilman - yet another former Auto Express writer, incidentally - is keen to sell the idea to the BBC.

At this early stage of the game, Clarkson's initial idea is to go to a British town and sort out its roads, traffic, pedestrians, cyclists and parking. No, this is not an excuse for the UK's most famous, knowledgeable and outspoken motoring expert to steam in and do to non-car users what he did to Piers Morgan. Far from it. He, Wilman and me are all agreed that one of the first things we'd push for is variable speed limits. We'd also like speed cameras outside all schools. During class hours, they should adopt a zero tolerance approach, but have much more relaxed enforcement at night.

We'd like buses monitored and reduced in frequency if too polluting or empty. And we're keen to see money-motivated parking regulations removed and check out whether allowing drivers to turn left at red lights could help ease congestion. It would be Clarkson's job to make the suggestions, listen to the responses from planners, engineers and politicians, and fight his corner in a symbolic and entertaining battle on behalf of Britain's 50 million beleaguered car drivers and passengers.

Would your town be willing and able to open its doors to Clarkson and allow him to publicly express his forthright but expert views, and perhaps even implement a radical but safe traffic experiment or three? If so, write to me at the usual Auto Express address, explaining why your town is the right place for the show. We'll let you know if you are to receive a visit and enjoy nationwide - or even worldwide - attention by being publicly Clarksonised. Think of it as little more than a valuable, but totally free, consultation from somebody who's been around the world several times and seen first-hand just about every type of traffic management scheme on offer.